If a songbird sang a song just for us...

I choose to be happy.
Is it selfish to want to be even happier?
I want to be happier.
With you.

If sqeaky stairs were followed...

I just have to say... it was a great semester. And I love my school.
I head home Tuesday. I'll be sad... but glad to be home. Can't wait to home.
And I can't wait to be back here. There's such a connection.

Also, Michelle and I plan on going out east. Can't wait.<3

And I can't wait to head towards the city.

If I had known...

It's 11:11.
And I'm thinking of him.

If heaven and hell decide...

You'll be loved.

At any rate... I believe I am the only Techie who graduated last year... that did not see the show. =[

Anyways... Kyoto tonight with Buff's best. <3

If I want to tell you more than anything...

I want to tell him I like him more than anything. And I never wanted anyone more. In all honesty. It's a bit crazy.

I even started writing poems again. I haven't done that since... well... 11th grade. Like... poems that mean something to me. Not just... for writing. I missed that.


the mystery shade of the coursing wind--
stirs in your direction.

And.
I wonder if
the sun's glory is more than the sky above.

come closer.
discover mirror images with me.

If I sang a song for you...

I don't know why I keep talking myself into sad emotions. And then I don't know why I tell myself to look like nothing is really bothering me when there is a lot going on.

Also... hm. Well. There's this guy. And I think about him a lot. I just want to tell him how I feel. Really bad. But I don't know how I would say it... and I don't want it to ruin anything. Because I think we're becoming close. And I don't want to shatter a good thing. He probably doesn't like me back. It's such a bummer. And I disappoint myself because I'm just setting myself up for a downfall. Again? Oh god, I hope not. I don't want a disappointment. I want to feel happy... content with life... unashamed. I want the feeling of being cherished again. I miss that so much. I know I haven't really been... "in love"... even though I feel like I was close to it once before. Also... it's been a long time. I'm hoping to just... forget it all. Even though I don't really want to forget everything.

If I've been dancing around this whole thing...

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you again.

If then we could acquire the goblet...

Hmmm, SU theatre?

If I knew what was going on...

I cannot understand me sometimes. That... I believe... is not good. At all.

I set myself up for these things.
>.<

I am a ridiculous person...

If I had nothing better to do...

Library time... third floor. It's quiet... and I have Queenie plugged into the outlet. Uhm... I really don't know what to do with my time... so I'm people watching. I could finish those entries for UBE. Yes. That is what I will do. Finish up my entries to occupy myself.

If I forget to tell you...

And I get really clutzy... kinda crazy... and my pulse definitely races when I get a text from him.

Hmm... I am an awkward person. Not going to lie.

If I didn't wait...

Fact: The things I do when I like a guy: I ramble like there is NO tomorrow.

If you said hello...

I love being home. <3
Also... my pictures that I took with my camera from being on the plane... yeah... they kick arses. Seriously. =]

Ooo, a new survey:

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
Me? Hm... I don't think I have actually perfected the art of shooting dirty looks.


Have you ever had a garage sale?
Negative.


What color is your ipod?
I have a black zen with a blue skin. <3 It's pretty much my 25% of my traveling best friends.


What kind of dog do you have?
I don't have one that lives with me. =[ BUT... Charlie (who lives with Nana) [[and Teddy... who belongs with Zena]] is a miniature poodle. <3


What's for dinner tonight?
Today is THANKSGIVING. We feast on good things. =]


What is the last drink you drank?
I believe it was Orange Peach Mango juice.


Last time you were sick?
Hm, Spring... well... it was allergy season.


How long is your hair?
It's a little longer than chest-length... but there are layers... so some of it is shoulder length.


Are you happy right now?
Very content.


What did you say last?
Okay.


Do you drink beer?
Never had beer.


What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
Hmm... I would have to say my sister's picture on my home keys.


What is in your pocket?
Gloves.


Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend?
N/A.


What's something fun you did today?
I woke up... at home. =]


What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
Odd enough... I think of Tech Crew.


What are you listening to right now?
"Full Moon" by The Black Ghosts... on the Twilight soundtrack.


What have you had to drink so far today?
2H2O and Orange Peach Mango juice.


When is your birthday?
Two weeks into the 8th month.


What's the area code for your cell phone?
If I post this on the web... it could be a stupid move... so I'll through you off and just say 212. After all... 212 is a great place. =P


Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
The shirt under my blazer? It's from Charlotte Russe.


Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
Negative.


How many states in the U.S.
50.


What are you going to do after this?
I'm going to my aunt's for Thanksgiving. And don't worry... I'll bring the lappie with me.


What is something you need to go shopping for?
Holiday presents. <3


Do you like pickles?
Yes.


How about olives?
Yes.


What is your favorite kind of gum?
Spearmint.


Do you have any tan lines?
Actually... they're kinda there.


Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
It was Mrs. Stuckhart... and then she left to have a baby, hahaha. She was replaced with Mrs. F.


When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout?
Sometimes.


Has anyone ever sang to you?
Sadly... no. I sing to practically everyone else though, hahaha. Even though I am such a Goodness-awful singer.


Has anyone ever given you roses?
I was given a rose.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
I am definitely not sure. Maybe not?


What is a compliment you receive way too often?
I don't keep track of compliments. If I am given one, it makes my day better.


Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
I spoke to my Nana last night. She loves me. =]


Why did your last relationship end?
He's a good person... I just think we were on different mature levels and had different expectations.


Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Around Asia. =]


Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
I prefer to laugh.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
People say I look more like my dad.

How long does it take you to shower?
Roughly 15 minutes.


Are you flexible?
A little.


What did you on New Years Eve 2007?
Family friend's party.


Was your mom a cheerleader?
No. My mom was a studious Asian.


How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
About eight? That's the most sleep I've had in about 2 weeks.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Always.


What song do you HATE?
I don't really have a song I HATE hahaha.


Any up coming events you're excited about?
Today. Is. Thanksgiving. I'm pretty stoked about today.

If I could tell you...

The directions are easy--Write TWENTY things about yourself:

easy right...???

1. I eat my pizza backwards.
2. I am currently home for Thanksgiving.
3. I listen to Christmas music randomly throughout the year and ALWAYS listen to it for the month of December.
4. It really upset me that the Christmas music this year started before Thanksgiving.
5. I think Britney Spears is making an awesome comeback.
6. I am amazingly obsessed with several things, although, Harry Potter and Twilight are my main obsessions.
7. Daniel Radcliffe is my favorite actor. Ever.
8. I actually like listening to politics however, I won't put my own input unless I have a passion for that topic of discussion.
9. I used to not like rice because I ate it everyday with everything... I've learned to love it beyond reasoning.
10. I want to be a pharmacist with all my heart.
11. I can't wait until I'm older and with a job to get a puppy of my own.
12. I want to name a male puppy Samson... really bad.
13. Sometimes, I never know why I post so many entries here.
14. "The Scientist" by Coldplay is my theme song to my life... the lyrics match what I feel practically any day.
15. I love my Twilight soundtrack more than any soundtrack.
16. I usually write lyrics as a doodle on my notes.
17. I miss Tech Crew more than I miss driving... and that's a crazy amount.
18. I detest pronouncing my middle name because I'm pretty sure with my accent it doesn't sound like the way it's supposed to.
19. I miss Summer rains and look forward to Winter snowfalls during Autumn... then it's switched in the Spring.
20. I'm falling.

If I am ridiculous...

I am home. <3

If it were easy...

I should [not] have sent that text?
It's driving me crazy/ Haha. Wow. I never thought... the giddy feeling... would ever be a part of my life again?

If I stood as still as I did...

There is something strange with me... I cannot get his name or his face out of my head. And when I'm with him... I'm relaxed. And when I'm not with him... I feel like something's missing. I'm so cheesy.

At any rate...

Oh my lord.
I head home tomorrow!!!
It's all very exciting.

If I could say it, I would say it all...

I can't explain it completely... and I think it's because I just don't know how. This is something new that's coursing through my mind.

Emotions.

I really like him.
Ridiculous amounts. And... as I told Twinnie... for once... I feel like... this is okay.
It will be okay.

I hope I'm not wrong.

If miracles happen...

105 SECRETS:
1. real name – Athena.
2. birthday – The second week of the eighth month.
3. single or taken – Single.
4. tall or short – Petite. =]
5. male or female- Female.
6. elementary – 46Q.
7. middle –74Q to WMS.
8. high school – EMHS.
9. eye color – Brown.
10. are you a health freak – I'm developing into one. It's kinda bad.
11. do you have a crush on someone- Very much so.
12. do you think highly of your self – not really
13. piercings- My ears.
14. tattoos – None.
15. righty or lefty - Righty.

FIRSTS:
16. first surgery – I was really little.
17. first piercings – Just ears.
18. first best friend – Andrea.
19. first trophy – TG. <3
20. first sport – No sports. >.<
21. first pet – None. =[
22. first vacation – England.
23. first crush – Jason. In kindergarten. =]

CURRENTLY:
24. eating – Nothing.
25. i'm about to – Hang out with James. =]
26. listening to – Flight of the Concords and my roommate who is on the phone.
27. waiting for – Thanksgiving Weekend. <3
28. wearing – Clothes.
29. want kids – Not currently.
30. want to get married – Again... not at the moment... but eventually.
31. careers in mind – Pharmacist. No plan B... no joke.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
32. lips or eyes – Does it matter?
33. hugs or kisses - Both are wonderful.
34. shorter or taller – A tad taller.
35. tan skinned or light – I don't care. Why should skin color determine who is better?
36. romantic or spontaneous – Both.
37. dark or light hair – I don't mind either.
38. muscular or normal? - Again... I don't really care. Someone who looks nice. I really don't care what features they really have. It shouldn't matter.
39. hook-up or relationship – Relationships.

HAVE YOU EVER:
40. kissed a stranger – No.
41. went to Rehab –No.
42. broken someones heart – I'm pretty sure and I do apologize if I did.
43. turned someone down – Yes.
44. liked a friend as more than a friend – Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
45. yourself – Not always.
46. miracles – You will when you believeee. =]
47. perfect first date – If only I actually experienced that... >.<
48. angels –Sometimes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
49. is there one or more people you want to be with right now? – Yes.
50. if you could bring back someone that died, would you? –Yes.
51. are you cool? – I don't give myself that much credit.

LAST:
52. text message – James.
53. recieved call – Mommy.
54. call made- Mommy.
55. wall post on facebook - Jeff G.
56. missed call –Mommy.
57. - you hugged – Jeff G, hahaha.
58. you slapped – I don't know?
59. said i love you to – Jennie H!

If I thought better...

I'm stubborn. =]

If you could see right through me...

Baby you’re so unusual
Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to, break my heart?
I expect you do, so why haven’t you?
Maybe you’re not even human cause
Only an angel can be so unusual
Sweet surprise, I could get used to
Unusual You
^^^Hm, new Britney Spears keeps getting better and better in her new album. (CIRCUS comes out 12/2... or her 27th birthday... thank you Jeff for knowing these facts hahaha.)
These has to be my favorite. I feel like... I can relate to it... in a slight... way?

And The Black Ghosts wrote a song for the Twilight Soundtrack called "Full Moon"... which is very addicting... and oh so true.
In the full moons light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear you calling me
But I don't know where I am and I don't trust who I've been
And If I come home how will I ever leave
^^^It's great. I love it.

If you insist...

Okay... so now for a better... and happier post. =]

Hmmm, well... today is just good in general. Minus cleaning.

If you thought of this first...

Hmm... I feel like I'm constantly cleaning. What the hellllll. Why is this room so dusty and unhealthy. Ugh. There is SO MUCH LONG HAIR. What the helllll. It's definitely not mine since mine is dark and slightly curly. Not blond and straight. AHHH... I can't take it. I mean I admire her hair but seriously... it is TOO long and it's shedding because her roots are pulling her hairs down. She needs to cut it. Soon. The end of rant.

If you seek amy...

Thanks to Jeff G... I can't get new Britney Spears songs out of my head. Hahaha.
At any rate...Early this afternoon I had Bio presentations for extra credit. I totally skipped over like... 75% of my card. =[ However, the slideshow itself came out wonderful.... if I do say for myself. =]
It's rainy today. Gray and rainy. It's really peaceful and it kinda smells like summer. Even though it is definitely reaching November. I'm in the flag room and there are quite a few people here. Actually there is hardly anyone here. Me... and two groups. But it's really nice nonetheless.
Hmmm... I think I'll just... listen to music and facebook since I have basically nothing better to do with my time.
Maybe I should go to Perks?
However, I'm just getting lazy... so... maybe not.

If I ask you to stay...

So... I went out for Jeff VL's birthday. Hooray! For he is legal now!!! Hahaha.

At any rate. It's 2:42 in the morning and I have a biology project for extra credit due in less that ten hours. I don't know if I can speak for ten whole freakin' minutes. I will have to try and speak as clear as possibly and not be overly goofy. Definitely will try.

After Bio., I'm heading to the wonderful Wegmans with James because it's amazing beyond belief.

Y'know... I wonder... does he mind that I call him James? Or does he really prefer Jimmy? I mean... I always hear Jimmy... I don't know hahaha. He's a real sweetheart. I enjoy spending time with him. Lots, hahaha.

After that, I'm seeig Jon Stewart with Kate. It'll be sweet. Hahaha, at least... I hope it will be.

After that... I'm going out with the pharmcats and Kate. Should be a late day.

And then... I have class registration early Sunday morning.

I should not sleep if that's the case.

P.S: Why is it ridiculously warm in the dorm room?

If I knew better...

What is this feeling...
So sudden and new...
Oh goodness... I have Wicked in my head. Hahaha.

If the stars keep falling...

"You are my summer breeze my winter sun, my springtime soul, my autumn touch of gold"
Ahhh...old school Britney. Hahaha. It's been playing in my head.
Actually... a lot of songs have been lately. Mostly... I keep hearing "Feels like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk. I've just been thinking a lot. And it just... describes how I feel right about now... and it's okay.

If this whole thing is true...

Hm. I like someone. A lot.
And I thought I would share that with the world.
He feels like home... it just feels right.

If there were more surveys like this...

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for?
Pudding.

Where was the last door you shut?
The dorm.

If science found that beer causes cancer, would you still drink it?
Nope, and just so we know. I don't drink beer. It's disgusting... in fact... most alcoholic beverages are.

How about animal rights?
What about animal rights?

Death penalty?
Depends...what about it?


Would you rather have a tiny head and a huge body, or a gigantic head and a tiny body?
I think I would prefer a proportioned head to my body.

Whats the longest you have gone without seeing your reflection?
I don't know.

Have you ever fed an animal a jalapeno for revenge of something they did?
No. Why would I do that.

When a hermit crab loses it shell, is it naked or homeless?
It looses its exoskeleton... therefore it is both and neither at the same time. See, the shell is like it's home and clothes because it protects what is underneath... which isn't a skeleton. Also... here's a little fact, the shell is made out of chitin. I'm about 98% sure. I would check my manual, but I will not.

What did you dream about last night?
A giant cookie. For real.

What are hot dogs made of?
The ones I usually eat are made out of soy. =]


Do you own a pair of Uggs?
I own Fuggs! =] Or... aka... the fake uggs. Do you have ANY idea how awful those ugg-ly boots are?!

Color of your toenails?
The au natural kind.

Would you rather have hairy feet or a hairy belly button?
I rather have neither.

What words will you put on your tombstone?
This is a depressing question. Next.

Have you ever lied to a doctor to get a doctors note to miss work or class?
No.

Did your night suck?
Tonight? Kind of. Generally it normally isn't. I feel like I missed something.

Do you find it romantic when a guy whispers in your ear?
=]


Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
Not at all. =[

Are you starting to realize anything?
A few things.

Do you have empty alcohol bottles hidden anywhere?
Nope.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
I was up until 1am this morning because I couldn't sleep.


Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
All the time.

Did you go out or stay in last night?
I stayed in mostly.

Where were you at 10:17 pm last night?
Working on my Library Workbook. Lame.

Did you kiss or make out with anyone today?
No.

Have you ever snuggled with someone you werent dating?
Yeah... a few years ago.


When was the last time something bothered you?
Hm, World Civ. kinda bothers me sometimes. And I know tomorrow will because of dissections.

What do you do on the weekends?
Something new has been happening every weekend. I like it.

Are diamonds a girls best friend?
Not necessarily. For all we know, a diamond could be a girl's worst enemy because it is, in fact, exceedingly hard.


Is your hair up or down today?
It was down and then the wind made me decide it was an up-do day.

Do you straighten your hair?
Sometimes.


Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Hm... not really... which is odd.

Do you think lip gloss is the best!?
Nivea chapstick. =]


In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy?
Yes.

Do you freakout if you miss your favorite show?
Nope.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
Thought about it... but probably not.

Can you skateboard?
Attempted... and failed.

How old will you turn in 2009?
Almost 2 decades.

How old are you now?
Under 2 decades. =]


Would you date someone 8 years older than you?
Probably not.

Who was the last person you hugged?
Caution.


Whats your relationship with the person you last texted?
He's a sweetheart and a good friend.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I don't want anymore kisses to be a mistake.

Where are your siblings?
She is back home.

Whens the last time you cried?
I'd say a few nights ago when I was looking through old pictures.

If you found out you couldn't have kids,would you adopt?
Of course. Without a doubt.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Back in my time? No. Let's move forward.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Yeah and luckily... he's in the same school as me. =]

Last time you saw your parents?
Well over a month ago.

Who have you talked to today?
Quite a few people.

Do you ever try to write with your non dominant hand?
Yes... with failure.

Have you ever gone Christmas caroling?
No. =[


Whats an obsession you have?
Hah, it's evident. No need to mention them.

Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
Depends... however, I'm generally okay.

What color are your eyes?
Dark brown... but sometimes when I wake up in the morning, they are onyx. Weird.

Whens your birthday?
Two weeks in the 8th month.

Is there someone you know you should hate but you can't?
In a way.

How's your heart lately?
Emotionally... always getting better and better each day. Physically... I believe it's okay.

If you could change your name what would it be?
I think I'm okay with my first name.

What are you wearing?
Clothes... specifically... pajamas.

Are you a forgiving person?
Usually.

Last thing you drank?
Ramune. <3

Do you think you can last for an hour without talking?
Well... I don't think so. When I sleep... I don't know. And when I'm taking a test... well... I mouth words to myself.

What's your worst habit?
Not sure.

How tall is the last person u hugged?
Caution-height!

What woke you up this morning?
Who... not what. And my roomie did because she knows I can't wake up to any electronic device.

What is somehing you wouldnt be able to live without?
Love, air, happiness, need to learn, education itself, family, friends and my glasses.

What did you do today?
I went to class. All day.

What were you wearing at 9am this morning?
Pajamas.

What's irritating you now?
World Civ.

Do you like chinese food?
Depends. If it's First Wok in the city, then I don't like Chinese food... I LOVE it.

What will you be doing in three hours?
I'll be up? Maybe sleeping? I don't know. It would be 2:30am on 11/11/08.

Why did you last laugh really hard?
Hahaha, my roommate. She's the best and she's silly sometimes.

Will you be in a relationship in four months?
Perhaps? I don't know. I miss relationships.

Can you sleep in jeans?
Yes.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
Sometimes.

Is there someone in your life you wish you never met?
Hah... I used to think that... but I believe I'm okay with just moving on.

Did you sleep well last night?
I had a decent night's rest.


Do you have a common first name?
Not really.


Who's house of the opposite sex were you in last? Why?
Uhmmm... House? I think Russ's to hang out. Dorm? James's... so Jen, James, and myself can go to a movie.

Do you like anyone?
Yes.

What's your mood?
I am sleepy... but not.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
I definitely can. I would never cheat. Honestly.

If the hours move to minutes...

This weekend wasn't too bad. In fact, it was nice. Caution came over Saturday night and we hung out with James. We saw "Zack and Miri Make a Porno". Quite revealing... but then again... what did I expect.

So... I pretty much had my epic FAIL for my life Saturday night...
After the movie... we all went to the bathroom... and I went to wash my hands. Apparently... there was toilet paper ON MY JACKET... which is weird because I took off my jacket and left it on a hook. And then I didn't even put on the jacket until after we got outside...Epic FAIL. Hahahaha. AND... to make it even better... I went across the street with it... I had a friggin' tail. WOW... definite fail. Bleh. =[

So minus epic fail... it was decent weekend.
16 days until Nov. 26, '08.

If it's a long way home...

So Caution's coming over... well... today. I have not seen her since her birthday... in September. I miss her so much. She's going to try to get here about 5 or 6. And we're going to get Starbucks like in high school. And then we're going to visit my darling friend James. =]
I am really looking forward to today. <3

If the wonder said otherwise...

I feel better.
There is something special.
And I hope so with all my heart.

If this is me...

Okay... so Evilutionary... sorry-- Evolutionary Biology... not so good. I emailed la mia prof., she said to stay in the class and just try my best. HOPEFULLY my best will be enough.

On the plus side... I am generally happy (minus Bio grades).


<3

If I should see the world of tomorrow...

I totally did not finish that last entry to it's fullest.

At any rate. I have chemistry lab tomorrow. Afterward, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing.

La la la. Don't really have a whole lot to say... except... la la la. Happyyy. <3
It feels good to be in this moment.

If I showed you my point of view...

I've been smiling.
I've been happy.
Today was a good day.

Zee got her package today. I was surprised it arrived today. I mean... I practically just sent it to her. Actually, it was Monday. Hahaha. She was really happy. I'm glad. Everyone deserves a good surprise every now and then. =]

If I added on a saying...

Just wanted to say the new president was announced at 11pm est.
I was watching Indecision 2008 with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart (who is coming to my school November fifteenth.).

If the perfect words never crossed my mind...

President Barack Obama.
The Nation's FORTY-FOURTH President.
The Nation's FIRST Black President.

I heard:
"Rosa Parks sat for King to walk; King walked for Obama to run; Obama ran for America to fly".

I thought it was clever.

If today was a day to change...

Let's get out there and freakin' vote. <3
The whole world will be jeal knowing we are making a better place.

If the car haults...

I miss my best friends from home. Lots.

I miss talking to them.
I miss seeing their faces.
I miss the silly fights...
And the good for naughts drama.

I miss seeing that I go up to their shoulders.
I miss complaining to them.
I miss laughing with them...
And I even miss crying with them.

The jokes, the insiders, the things no one will ever understand...
They are the family that God help find me choose.

And so... I miss my family. Very much.



LIfe begins with LI.

If the cloud floats on...

I believe we are all looking for something in this world.

When do I find my something?

If we stand here together in this sea of lonliness...

I'm sorry I've been neglecting my posteing duties. It's been a crazy week and now I am suffering from a case of insomnia. I am a little drowsy... however, I'm okay.

Lately... I've been...happier. A suddent feeling that I really didn't feel for quite some time. I mean... I know I am a happy person... but, the happiness to MATCH me went on hiatus.

I've been thinking and I don't know what to do.

What should I do?

If I hold you here and close to my heart...

I am definitely not feeling fierce. And I might just collapse this week because it's so difficult.

If I sobbed my eyes out...

I'm in a sea of people and I have never felt more alone. And I'm drowning in my sea of people. I feel trapped. I don't know how to get out. I am heading for a breakdown and I can't stop myself. I have tearstained cheeks. Who's to blame? No one. What's to blame? Nothing. THen why? I haven't got a clue. And more importantly, I don't have an answer. What's wrong with me?

If forgetting is to be forgetful, then I don't want to forget anything...

Today... was rather unproductive. However, I'm not caring.

I don't understand.

And also... I'm forgetting. I'm forgetting my memories.

And I don't want to. I really don't.
But I can't stop it.

Come back memories... come back.

If there was another time...

I'm sleepy in the daylight, but I get so sad and awake during late hours. Like now.

What's wrong?
Am I okay?
Will I ever be?
What could possibly be wrong?

I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm in a crowd and no one can hear my whispers and weeps.

If I knew you from before...

Pretty.
That's what I want to hear.
Just once.
For real.

I miss that.

If the howling wind does not whistle...

Currently... I'm in the Student Union.
What am I doing? Possibly not a whole lot except I am updating the much-delayed journal.
It's been so long since I last posted and typing on a real keyboard feels absolutely bonkers. I've been on my laptop for far too long and I miss hearing the noise of typing on a keyboard. Haha. It's weird because I thought I would never miss this feeling.
At any rate. College.
It's going great.
I really truly like it here.
I've met the coolest people here.
I talk to most of the EM-ers frequently. Except for a few.
Also... I have reconnected with people since college. Again. Bonkers.

Right now... at this very moment. The new issue of Generation is out and a lot of people are reading it. Good stuff I have to say. I shall pick up a copy before Bio lecture. Which I should go to soon... but I will not. At least... not quite yet.

I am quite tired today. It's been very busy and quite chilly I have to say.
Well... right now I am looking up the counseling services for the school. It's for a group project. I'm paired with this girl named Kerry. She was wine and I was cheese. Yay? I think.

Un centoventi? In Richmond? Probably.

If I could correct the wrong...

Attention world... HE is going to school with me.

I don't go to school with him.

If I hear the shore...

Tomorrow will be two weeks the last time I saw my home.

If this is a good thing...

I really miss home. Currently I am talking to my mother through via webchat and I'm crying my eyes out. totally caught me by surprise and... down came Niagara Falls. They are saying that though I am feeling like this now... I'll adjust faster. LIES. LI is the territory I belong in...EM is my HOME.

If you stand by me, through the wind and the willow...

Terribly homesick I must say. I've been homesick... and feel like I will always be homesick... until I get home. I get all... weepy when I speak to the parentals and Zena. Today... we webchatted. It was pretty sweet. <3 The whole adjusting thin is a a major killer. At least people here are very nice and I'm enjoying their company. I just... want to be home... for the most part.

If I scream and shout...

It has been fustrating. First off... I am aware that it is definitely passed 2am... AND I have to be up by 7am. That sounds wonderful, doesn't it?
Anyways. So after the fabulous two day switcheroo... we go to Atlantic City. Doesn't sounds SO bad though... does it? If you are thinking that... you are one hundred BILLION percent wrong. It was rainy AND there was lightening and thunder. It was dangerous beyond belief. Definitely sounds fun, yes?
That was... Sunday.
Then Monday... we decide "let's go to the city". Totally fine. We went ont the Circle Line. That was fine... and had dinner at Curry in a Hurry (love it. =]). Okay... so I gave you the beginning and the end... not the middle.
So in the middle... after the Circle Line... we walk around the city. So... som street people are handing out flyers to a free event... sounds very City-ish, yes? Obvz. So... naturally... the sib. picks up a flyer and shows it to my mom. Now... they both are exceedingly excited... WOOHOO. Then... mother tells father... who tells uncle and cousin. Oh boy. At any rate... I see the flyer and IMMEDIATELY... before anything I see the word "church". I have nothing against that word or place of santuation... but I am not a frequent attender. So I pause for a moment and ask my sib and mother if they know what kind of event this is. And of course, Z replies by saying "a free one". No kidding. So... I elaborate... "is it a dance? Singing? A play? Preaching?" No one knows, however, we still go to it. Throughout the walk to the place... I'm thinking "oh geez... this isn't going to be good. We're going to walk out..." and I told mother my thoughts and that I would stay out if it's a preaching event. I don't get along with people who preach religion to me. It's not that I don't respect religion... it's just... I don't want people make themselves sound like they are thrusting beliefs that I don't believe... therefore... if there is a He or She out there... that entity should remember that "thou shall not lie". So we walk into the theatre... and throughout the hallway... I see words that say "Lord" and "He" and "Minister" and "Pastor" and "Church" and "Praise". Major uh-oh. So... we get to our seats and I turn to mother and say "so... do you know what we are in for?" and mother replies, "no". So I decided to break the ice and say "it's a worship concert." Ohhhhh! So... Z and mom have no problem. And so, mom told dad... who told uncle... who told cousin. Wow. News spreads fast in this family. So... the seating arrangements: Athena, Z, Mom, Dad, Uncle, Cousin. Athena gets to sit next to a religious fellow. Nice... friendly... seems very loyal to his faith. Good guy. He has a video camera and turns to me and asks me if I would answers some questions. Seems harmless... right? Kinda. I got a kick out it really. I'm such a bitch in my head... but I remained... calm and sweet. After all... he was a guy with a video camera. Didn't want to hurt his or the fellow watchers' feelings.
At any rate... 5 seconds after the music started... we walked out. This has to be the BIGGEST and MOST satisfying "I TOLD YOU SO" I could ever think of. I totally pwned. =]

I can definitely sleep in peace now that that is written.

If I asked you to stay...

Operation Room Switch: success. =]
Finally... after HOURS... the whole room switch with the sibling is finished. <3

At any rate... went to Lauren's going away party. It was loads of fun. =] I wish all the college-bound people best wishes.

I'm exhausted and my body aches. And it's quite late...very... oh so very late.

If the sun shines down upon me...

I found my camera battery. =] I can hear the bells and angels sing. <3

If there are no clouds to dampen the day...

I think this moment calls for a ">.<".

If you shimmer in the spotlight...

Hmmm... I can't find my camera battery. Not good.

If I fall away...

Day TWO.
It's 11 minutes to noon and I still haven't really started the shelves switching.
So very tired.

If I thought otherwise...

So... before I forget...
If I have a daughter...
I like the names Arabella and Annabella. Though I do like the name Adabella. However... I am becoming more partial to Arabella. It's pretty and strong..."beautiful lion". There's a... postive and ambitious image. I like it.

If I did know...

It's almost three in the morning and I am exhausted beyong belief. I have been switching rooms with my sister. It's been a long... not going to lie... my body is in quite a lot of pain. And I'm typing... Vanessa Anne Hudgens is on the tellie... dancing for a Sears commercial on N. She's kinda everywhere... like Miley Cyrus. Oh Disney. Whatever happened to the simple Disney stuff?
At any rate... tomorrow... or rather... in the daylight hours[!!!], there will be some more "moving" and Z and I need to switch shelves. Hopefully I'll be up by 10 and then finish by... hopefully by 2. Earlier would be nice... but... I'll give Z and myself that 4 hour time frame. Sounds logical.
I should head into bed. It's... early. Heh. Yeah... not really.

If you could hold me close and stay...

I wonder why I've been so focused on... relationships. I am certain it's because... it's been so long since I... well... have been part of that real unrealistic feeling. Maybe I just... miss it.

So! I'm off to Staples. Need some school supplies. Shall update later.

If I could, I am...

It has been a very, very long and stressful day. Very stressful.
I've gone through loans, shopping, yelling, screaming, confusion, fustration, sleepiness, packing, bruising, moving, everything.

At least I have Saturday to look forward to.

If I could dream dreamless nights...

Perhaps I am lonely?

If the lion fell in love...

If I have a child and the child is a son... I'll name his Edward Bae-kho [*last name here*] or Aiden Bae-kho [*last name here*].
If I have a daughter... I'll name her Adabella Sae-Byuk [*last name here*].

If you spot a nightingale...

Name: Hello. I'm Athena.
Nickname: But you can call me by a nickname. =]
Single or Taken: Solo.Siblings: There are two of offsprings... you figure it out.
Eye color: Dark chocolate brown.
Shoe size: 8.5-9.
Dress size: I don't understand why you want to know this.
Height: Does it really matter that I am petite?What are you wearing right now?: Orientation shirt and jeans. Simple.Career/Job: I tutored like a crazy woman in Math, Science, English, History, and Italian. WHAT!Loves: Peace, happiness, friends, Harry Potter, Twilight, reading, writing, learning, science, school. I am a geek... deal with it. =]Hates: I am a hippie... I hate hate. class you fit into: Class? Pardone moi?
----------------------------------------
FAVORITES
Kind of pants: Dark, semi-destroyed jeans and my tech denims <3.
Number: 2, 3(weird), 5, 7. The last three are weird because I prefer even numbers...
Animal: Nearly all (NEARLY is the key word).
Drink(non alcoholic): Get me some H2O.
Drink(ALCOHOLIC): Ew. Thank you.Food: Fooooood is most delish.
Sport: Not a sport person... I'm boring and I'm a geek. End of story.Month: All and none.
Season: I like the all and don't like them all at once... but I find my most prefered season is Winter. It's pretty and it's chilling, however... that just means you can cuddle in a blanket and enjoy the indoors.
Juice: Apple juice. xoxo
Favorite cartoon/anime character: I honestly don't know.---------------------------------------------------------------
Have You Ever...
Given anyone a bath?: I have given a baby a bath. =]
Bungee Jumped?: I would like to.
Eaten dog?: As long as the word "soy" is in front of it...
Loved someone so much it made you cry?: I haven't experienced that yet... no one has woo me to the point there I cry for them.Broken a bone?: No.
Played truth or dare?: Once! =] I can finally say that.
Been on a plane?: Yes.
Been in a sauna?: Negative.
Been in a hotub?: Positive.
Fallen asleep in school?: Tempted, however, no.Broken someone's heart?: I think so. I do apologize for that. I don't regret it though... it was all but the right time for a relationship.
Cried when someone died?: Definitely.
Cried in school?: Quite a few times in tenth grade... emotional year.
Fell off your chair?: Pathetically yes.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?: No.
Saved IM conversations?: Hah, yeah.
Saved e-mails?: I usually don't delete them...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is...Your good luck charm?: 13th birthday necklace from Nana.
New fav. song?: Ah... bad question...actually... I lied. It's not a bad question... but I won't answer.
Fav. time of day: The night... it's dark enough to see the Moon and stars. I love the stars.What is beside you?: CLOTHES... too much packing!
What kind of shampoo/conditioner: I love Garnier. =]
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever Had...
Chicken pox: Vaccinated, beasts!
Sore Throat: Werd... not fun.
Stitches: Not that I know of.
Broken nose: Nope.
Body mods: Pardon?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do You...
Believe in love at first sight?: As utterly romantic as it sounds... I really do.
Like school?: So far, I do. Hopefully UB won't change that perception.
Who was the last person that called you?: Mossy Ploof. <3
Who was the last person you slow danced with?: I haven't... slow danced with anyone. =\
Who makes you smile the most?: People make me smile.
Who knows you the best?: Probably my sibling and Renita. =]
Do you like filling these out: When there's nothing better to do... I kinda find a sick joy out of it.
Do you have glasses or contact lenses?: Glashers. =]
Do you get along with your family?: Usually I do.
-----------------------------------------Are You...
Obsessive Compulsive?: I think everyone is a little.
Attention Defecit?: See the above answer.
-----------------------------------
Today did you...
Talk to some one you like: I like a lot of people... are we talking about like like?
Buy something: Nope.
Get sick?: If I said I am sick, will that make you not ask this question?
Talked to an ex?: Hm, not today.
Miss someone?: Definitely... always and everyday.
-----------------------------------------------
Last person who....Slept in your bed?: Me, myself... hmmm... oh yes! And I. =]
Saw/heard you cry?: My book... hah.
Made you cry?: AH, the book I'm reading.
Went to the movies with?: Eemo, Uncle Jon, and sibling! Ever been in a fight with your pet?: No pets. =[ I will have one though!!! <3 Fishy!!!
Been to America?: Obvz.
Been to Australia?: Negativo.
Been to Europe?: WERDobviouslyYOman...yes.
-----------------------------------------------
Random.....
Do you have a crush on someone right now?: Kinda... yes... no... yeah... I like someone...and then I like someone...
What book are you reading now?: Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.Best feeling in the world?: Security is a pretty decent feeling... don't you agree?
Future KIDS names?: If I have kids... I would wonder why do I have baby goats in my life...Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: They are there... but I don't sleep with one necessarily.What's under your bed?: Wouldn't you like to know...
Favorite sports to watch?: I like to watch ice skaters... that is an olympic recreational activity, so SHHH.
Favorite Locations?: Tech basement, the high school, the city, London and I have a sudden mood for Toronto.
Piercing/Tattoos?: My ears are pierced.
What are you most scared of right now?: Certain things.
Do you have a job?: I did. I tutored like a crazy woman... remember?
Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with?: Yeah, hahaha. Let's just say... it's not because he didn't like me...
Are you lonely right now? Lonely as in because I'm single? A little.
Song that's stuck in your head right now?: Stereo Skyline songs. Strange because I haven't heard them in a while.
Have you ever played strip poker?: Nope... just regular... good old fashioned poker.
Have you ever been beaten up?: Ah, no. I have not.
Have you ever been on radio/TV?: Nope.
Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed you?: Yes. Turned out they noticed me from the moment they met me. It was really sweet. He remember everything about that day.
-----------------------------------------------
Random...
What color is your underwear right now?: What's it to you?
What’s the first things you notice about the opposite sex?: Action that is happening.
Hair color?: Mine? It's dark. Mostly dark brown with bits of red in it.
Are you too shy to ask someone out?: Bah... I told a guy I liked him... he didn't expect it. Felt bad... it was awkward... it's a good thing he was and still is a sweetheart.
Dogs or cats?: Canines.
Favorite Flower?: Orchids.
Have you ever fired a gun?: No.
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?: Depends.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Due.
------------------------------------------------
Final Questions:
What did you do yesterday: Not a whole lot... but I did go to the mall to exchange a shirt.
What car/truck do you wish to have?: S60R Volvo. It's amazing.
Where do you want to get married?: Where? Well... I would like something small and traditional. And the reception would be... simply beautiful.
Good driver?: I'm a decent driver.
Have a lava lamp?: I had one. I don't recall what happened to it.
How many remote controls are in your house?: You honestly want me to count?
When you last showered?: I love showering... I've showered three times today.
Scary or Funny Movies?: I love the hilarity of movies. Funny all the way.
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Vanilla with chocolate syrup.
Summer or winter?: I prefer the winter nowadays.
Silver or Gold?: Depends really.
Diamond or pearl?: Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Sprite or 7up?: Water.
Coffee or sweet tea?: Tea.
Phone or in person?: I think I talk better on the phone even though I prefer in person.
Are you oldest, middle or youngest?: Eldest. =]

If you stood here before me...

I'm packing my life away in two duffle bags, a carry-on, and a trunk.

If the sun shone as bright as you think...

Some people are annoying and can piss me off because they are so self-centered and complain too much. The end. =]

If I make myself content...

So... where to begin?
Yesterday (8.3.08)- I had a surprise birthday/congrats party. It was... truly a surprise. renita gace me a sweet journal (and other college survivals). It was really sweet. She's always been like a sister. I'm going to miss her a helluva lot. She's the confidant I rely on way too much. Jess (aka the Mossy Ploofinator) gave me the most touching present ever. And it was a dvd that I have been watching over and over again. She really is something. I can't believe after 6 years... we're just... heading off to college. Now the whole college feeling is hitting me...wonderful. Overall... yesterday... was... magical. As cheesy as that sounds... it really was.
At any rate... today... was a complete 180. First off... poor Jill. She's in the hospital. I hope she get better asap. Really. She and I have so much to do for UB. Please God. Just help her. Please.
In addition... the parentals. LOVE them dearly... however... honestly. Dad is always making a fuss when I want to go hang out with people. I don't understand! I NEVER hang out with people during the school year and I haven't hung out with people in large amounts until this summer. That's it! And chances are... majority of the people I am hanging out with this summer... are not going to be the same ones I hang out with next summer. What on EARTH?Ugh, by jingos. BY JINGOS. Grrr.
On the plus side... I have been reading Breaking Dawn and I love it... although I am quite fustrated.
ALSO! Breaking news!!! JK ROWLING HAS A NEW BOOK COMING OUT ABOUT BEEDLE THE BARD!!! <3>The Tales of Beedle the Bard and it comes out December 4th, 2008. VERY exciting.

If the pigeon doesn't know how to poop...

Scott is here.

If I could spread my wings and fly...

So I figures out how to post an entry without actually going to the website and sticking with the blogger widget. Kicks arse. =]
So I was at Jess's house last night after Billy's party. It was fun. I had a blast at both. And then today we visited Russ. Such a sweetheart. And then we hung out with people for Kelly's birthday. So mcuh FUN. <3 Loveeed it. It was a nice... mini break.
And so. Today is August 1st... meaning in 23 hours and 30 minutes and 30 seconds (from this moment)...Breaking Dawn will be out. I am so excited. <3
Finally things are turning around for the summer. I'm enjoying it and that's what should matter.
Also. It's my birthday in 2 weeks. Jingos.

If I could find then when and where...

I need a small vacation away from myself.

If you close the front door...

I've been going to the doctor's nonstop. I'm kinda sick of it, but since every fatal disease runs through the family viens... in my viens... they just need to make sure. And something has not been right with my insides. They want to check because what's going and my age don't match. Weird.
I have another appointment today... in an hour.
Afterwards I'm going to go to Billy's for his birthday. =]
Where there's Billy... there will be Harry Potter conversations.

After that, I'll be sleeping over Jess's house. It's been so long since we last hung out. I miss her.

I'll update later and such.

If I could just understand...

There's so much pressure.
I am not liking this. It's just so not me.
What it comes down to is... I have to make my dream come true. That makes sense. Yes? Only... right now... it's all about family honor. Which adds... not just a little... but a lot of pressure. Especially when failure is a major thing in the family. It's like a diseased gene.
It's like... everyone is on the sidelines... waiting... and hoping... that I screw up. I won't that happen. I won't fail. I won't do anything that will stop me.
I will show everyone what I am made out of.
And then I will be victorious.
And they would be able to just suck it.
Faith. I have that. I hope I have enough of it in me. I hope everything falls into place. It just... has to. I want it to. Not for just now... not because I want it from before... I want it to happen for good. From that point until the day I die.
I hate how there's the pressure. I hate how much I depend on this. I hate the feeling of almost-failure. I hate that there are people waiting for a failure. Most of all... I hate the idea of disappointment. It sickens me. It's like bringing a venomous fang straight to my throat and wishing and praying that this fang will bring me out of my misery. But that would... ultimately... be fatal. Therefore... not the best idea in the entire world. The fatalness is the failure. (Gosh... I had no idea how many times I was wrining failure in this post.)

Also. I love how... I am the "bad" team... and there's the "good guy". Everyone's hoping that good guy will win... and not loose or even tie. It angers me so.

I wanted to go away for college for a new begining. I different setting. To grow up. And not have a constant reminder of what kind of gossip revolves around the society I am a part of. It's all silly nonsense. Filled with childish remarks, almost rumors... and comparisons.

If I smelled a honeysuckle...

Renita was here :)

If these arms could embrace...

I dreamed the sweetest summer sin.
I am starting to think I really do like him.

If I could close me eyes...

I can't fall asleep.
It's bothering me.
And I am quite bored.

If you sent me 10 envelopes...

Orientation was this past Monday and Tuesday. I had an amazing time. =]
Met a lot of cool people. Met someone who went to my school all this time and we never met before. Learned more about the area, my program, slang, lol. It was wonderful.

So... random update... I might be interested in someone. This is exciting.
Especially since the last one I liked... well. We're okay as friends.
The one before that... completely awful being.
Before that... liar.
And before that... complete heartbreaker.

Not a very good list.
Who knows what will happen.
I just hope it's good.


Also... next Friday!!! <3 So excited.

If the sea turtle doesn't see the sea...

So I am watching The Soup. Fun.
It's the night before I leave for orientation... what's on my mind?
Books.
Odd.
Isn't it?

If I could not stop that you now know...

I can't believe... in less than 24 hours... I find out more news than gossiping girls in a lunch room in a middle school.

Let's see.

1A) Nana can't go on her Amazonian Adventure. Turns out... the Amazon is a remote area and the medicial situation there... isn't the best. And she'd have some issues. Therefore. No Amazon. (-)
1B) Just because Nana can't go... doesn't mean she won't have fun. She already looked at the negatives and is happy not to be going. Plus, she and I can spend more time together. (+)

2A) Uncle A does not want Uncle B to be living with him for a while. A is looking for a break. Totally understandable. We can take Uncle B for a while. (/)
2B) We should have him for about 3 weeks. (-)
2C) There is NO WAY we can bring him to school. It's a DORM room... not an apartment. There's barely enough room for Kate and myself WITH our families. Totally uncool if he comes. It's not like he would do anything to provide and productivity. (-)
2D) He's just not fun. (---!!!)

Just wonderful.

Whatever, I suppose. I'll have the comfort of Breaking Dawn by my side. Yes. That sounds right. Hopefully Stephenie Meyer ends up... writing a... descriptive desciption about Bella and Edward. Well... for those who read it... I'm taking about... what happened in Eclipse and we are ALL waiting for it. ;]

Well...until I'm facing another episode of insomnia. Ta ta for now (meaning... I'll be back in a few hours.).

If I could dream at all... I would dream of you.

Edward Cullen has yet to conquer my mind again. I wish the flawless vampire existed. The element of romance... danger... it would be... stunningly poisonous.

So. I've been thinking a thought that's good and bad. It's odd. See... I've been thinking about someone I thought I would never think about this much. Maybe it's just a phase. School is starting soon... it might be just a phase. I can't see this going anywhere while we're in school... but... it's funny. I just... have a feeling. I don't know. It's... I don't know... unknown.

If I could see the every star with you... I'd see them all.

Greetings.
It feels odd that it is July 18th. Of 2008.

Breaking Dawn comes out in two weeks. Very exciting. Nana and I will go pick up my copy. Of course... that makes this even more exciting.

I figured since I am starting a new beginning... a new blog should be in place.
There hasn't been a whole lot happening to write about. Although, I have been reading quite a lot... with a side of mega writing. Uber amounts of fun.