If I continue with this...

Okay... really fast.
(P.S: for those who are reading... sorry for the cursing.)

Okay. So. Mom said I have this nice person attitude when I'm with my friends.
NEWFLASH... I HAVEN'T HUNG OUT WITH ANYONE IN AGES. I call Buff every so often because I miss it there! I haven't talked to many people from home...

ALSO... while we're just venting about family...
I already talking about Zena and mom.
Now... padre.
My father.
Last night... we were in the city to see fireworks. Good stuff, right?
Anyway... he gets lost for moment. Calls me. Leaves a message. However, I didn't get to my phone on time... shouldn't be a big deal, right? Eh... let me continue. SO... I call back Dad. "WHERE ARE YOU FUCKING IDIOT?!"... Wow... that's a PLEASANT hello... isn't it? Oh-o... so I shouldn't be talking back and giving attitudes?

World... let me tell you something... for the LONGEST time I try to just DEAL with everything. Going away to college made me realize something... I can't JUST DEAL. I am one person... and if I can't defend myself (even if it's from family)... WHO will defend for me? Hm?!

I don't know what this family is on.

But THANKS. Thanks to whoever gives this family crap.
And thank you for making me feel that much more alone.

If I lost myself...

Okay... a major venting session is needed.
Mommy blew a fuse on Zena and me today.
What she says is true... Zena and I have been at each other's throat.
HOWEVER... we do care about each other's feelings. Even if Zena doesn't... I DO...

However... no matter WHAT I do... just HAVING FUN... Zena has to be a little bitch and have this fucking attitude with me.
She thinks that she can bully me around because she can throw punches and kick.

Well... what the fuck.

Zena has been SUCH A BITCH to me.
And I'm hardly around. So I don't get it.

Mom said that I should just stay on campus next year.
FINE. I WILL.

In fact... I don't think I should ever come home.

Goodbye home.

If the moonshine dust scatters across the sky...

I just realized... this past title... and the one from May 17th (which was the one RIGHT before the last one I posted)... are SO incredibly similar.

I suppose my mind hasn't changed it's mindset?

Hahaha.

If the sun won't shine anymore...

So. Let's see. It's been a while since I last wrote. A WHILE... actually.
Let us see. What has been new? Well... I have been attending math summer courses. They're okay. They're just boring and long... but I get 7 credits out of it. Not too horrible I have to say.
Also... I've been working at the movie theatre. It's not too bad. I like the people I work with and things aren't too bad.

Today was TG banquet. It felt good to be home. I missed everyone.
Only... sometimes... when I looked at the people around me... it felt different. Not bad. However, not the same. Maybe it's because I wasn't really a part of it this year. At all. It deeply saddens me. TG was such a huge part of my life. And I just miss it. A lot more on some days.

So much for nostalgia.

Oh, also... today. Hahaha. I met Sam! Y'know, Matt's girlfriend. She's sweet. They're cute together. I'm glad to see they're happy. :)

So... I should try and get to bed soon... since it is about a quarter to 2am.

Oh, quick side note as to what I'm doing right now.
I'm listening to "Come On Get Closer" by Matt Nathanson in low volume while sipping Snapple (the Peach Ice Tea, of course). I'm obsessed with this moment at the moment. I live for things like this. It'll be a good night.

If the sun won't shine...

So. I've come to the conclusion that my uncle is really pathetic. And quite frankly... I'm VERY sick and tired of this. Sure he's and elder and he's not exactly mentally alright... HOWEVER (before you judge me and think I'm a horrid being)... Uncle is FULLY capable of doing things.

Meaning(in example form:
1) When he is hungry... he can get food on his own.
2) He doesn't HAVE to sit all day and be BORED to death. He can do stuff... like clean. ESPECIALLY clean the messes that he makes.
3) I'm sorry... in this household, if you finish something and it's empty (like a cookie box)... you chuck it in the the trash can! You don't just leave it in the kitchen... that's obnoxious.
4) Also... if someone is letting you stay in their house FOR FREE(!!!)... don't you DARE insult that person. Ever!
5) You should have common courtesy manners. Like... oh, I don't know... if you're technically living there... help set the table.
6) Don't you EVEN THINK about saying my father treats you like a SLAVE... and then tell everyone that he does. Because in reality, my father is genuinely a hard worker. And he won't ask for help unless he needs it. You are lucky he only asked you ONCE to help. ONCE. And not more.

There are more examples... but those are the ones that REALLY bother me.
He does have the mentality to do things. He's not a newborn. And he's not old.
I'm sorry... he receives no sympathy from me because I really think he's not "crippled" in the sense that he think he is.
He needs to GROW UP for ONCE in his life.

If I walked in the desert that was 1000 miles long...

So... I got my grades for this past semester. I did really good/not too bad for half of my classes... and I know I did bad in two... one of which I'm fixing over the summer. And I'm adding another course onto it. And then the other class... I DEFINITELY didn't too hot on and HAVE to retake it somehow. Ugh. EFF my life. Eff my life to the bottom of the ocean... into the center of the Earth... and let it explode in whatever that is in there.
Seriously though. Eff my life.

What's wrong with me?
I try so hard... and it's not getting me anywhere.
I'm going NO WHERE. =[

If I followed the breadcrumbs...

So... I know last post I said I would update more... however, I've been trying to keep up with life itself. I don't even know where to begin.
I suppose I'll start off with saying it's summer break. I start summer classes the 26th, blehhh. However, it needs to get done. -_- Lots of things need to get done.

I don't know... I feel like I can't keep up anymore. Like I'm too tired to continue... however, I know I must fight on... no matter how tired I am. And it's not like I'm actually tired because I hardly am. I stay up... panicking, thinking, etc. I can't stop. I become bothered in unnecessary excessive amounts. I want a grip again.

There's something missing in my life.
I don't know what it is.
And I miss it.
... How can I possibly miss something that I don't even know?